Daily Briefing: PURIMSPIEL PURIMSPIEL PURIMSPIEL

Trudeau’s actions had everyone rolling their eyes. “We do not want to minimize the impacts of the protests occurring across the country,” Abby Deshman, director of criminal justice for the Canadian Civil Liberties Association (CCLA) stated.  “But, come on. So the blockades were disruptive, but did they endanger the lives, health, or safety of Canadians to rise to the threshold of a national emergency under the law?”  The only lives they seemed to endanger were CBC journalists standing in the way of NY Times videographers there to capture police brutality.

 “How can you do that to us; we’re one of you?” Carol Alt was allegedly noted screaming into the ear of an allegedly woke NY Times reporter. (Sadly True Times; Feb. 23, 2022)

PM TRUDEAU JUSTIFIES REVOKING CANADIANS’ CONSTITUTIONAL RIGHTS BY INVOKING EMERGENCIES ACT (Ottawa) – In justifying his invocation of this never-before-used Emergencies Act, PM Trudeau insisted that “… the scope of these measures will be time-limited, geographically-targeted, as well as reasonable and proportionate.”

The measures invoked include imprisonment without bail, banning public assembly, and restricting travel to and from specific areas. They also expanded the government’s money laundering and antiterrorism powers, their right to exchange information with banks about protesters, freezing personal and business accounts of those involved and those who donated to their cause, and closing the businesses of truckers involved in the protest depriving them of their living.

Imagine what these measures would have looked like were they not “time-limited, geographically targeted” or “reasonable and proportionate.” (Ottawa Tremors, Feb. 24, 2022)

THE ONOMATOPOEIA “HONK HONK” USED BY FREEDOM CONVOY MEMBERS REALLY MEANS “HEIL HITLER” (Ottawa) – During Question Period, Liberal MP Ya’ara Saks vehemently insisted that she had uncoded the secret meaning of the “honk honk” heard throughout downtown Ottawa when truckers honked their horns. Truckers from across Canada assembled in front of the Parliament building to rally for less stringent Covid regulations. But these honks were not what they appeared to be. According to the York Centre MP, the double h in “honk honk” was a secret code for “Heil Hitler.” Moreover, Saks claimed the truckers secretly worshiped photos of Hitler, while CBC reporters insisted that they were all Russian stooges. Sak’s insight reinforces PM Trudeau’s claim that these truckers were not the heroes he made them out to be at the start of the epidemic; instead, they are misogynistic, white supremacists bent on destroying Canada from within. (Philologists Critiques, Feb. 20, 2022)

PM TRUDEAU MEETING WITH EUROPEAN LEADERS TO COORDINATE RESPONSE TO UKRAINE CRISIS RECEIVES BOISTEROUS WELCOME(London) – Apparently, PM Trudeau’s reputation preceded him. To avoid a boisterous crowd of protesters disgusted at his handling of the “Freedom Convoy,” Canada’s Prime Minister snuck into 10 Downing Street through the back entrance, where he encountered truckers delivering supplies. Later, when asked by reporters whether Canada would unleash Alberta energy to help lessen Europe’s dependence on Russian oil, he assured them that Canada was doing everything possible to dicarbon its economy without bankrupting too many Canadians. Canadians watching at home ignored Trudeau’s comments; they were just grateful that he didn’t wear a bowler hat or carry an umbrella. (National Embossment, Mar. 7, 2022)

VP KAMALA HARRIS BREAKS INTO LAUGHTER WHEN QUESTIONED ABOUT UKRAINIAN REFUGEES (Warsaw) — Speaking alongside Polish President Andrzej Duda at a press conference in Warsaw, VP Kamala Harris resorted to her signature cackle when asked whether the US will take in Ukrainian refugees. In her typical non-sequitur style, which she perfected, she answered: “Okay. A friend in need is a friend indeed,” then quickly pivoted the question to President Duda, who graciously attempted to inform the press about US intentions. (Washington Feats, Mar. 10, 2022)

SAUDI ARABIA TO BIDEN: IF YOU WANT MORE OIL, PUMP IT YOURSELF(Riyadh) – Saudi Arabia and the UAE again rebuffed US President Joe Biden’s calls for increased production amidst escalating fuel costs. Desperate phone messages by the world’s supreme commander-in-chief went unheeded despite President Biden’s promises to never ever, cross-my-heart and hope-to-die assurances that he will stop calling Saudi Arabia Prince Muhammed bin Salman, a murderous despot who should be carved into pieces and fed to the pigs. (Saudi Revenge, Mar. 13, 2022)

BIDEN OFFERS MULLAHS MORE THAN THEY DREAMED POSSIBLE, RUSSIAN NEGOTIATOR GLOATS (Vienna) — Russia’s top representative in the Vienna talks Mikhail Ulyanov has underlined that the Islamic Republic got much more than what anyone expected to secure Iran’s rights for a nuclear bomb and the removal of sanctions. The shopping list of goodies includes billions of dollars worth in gold and precious jewels, shares in Hunter Biden’s lucrative art enterprise, and a 51% share of the US’s top uranium mining companies, including Cameco Resources. ConverDyn. enCore Energy Corp. and others These shares will make them very competitive with Russia, which purchased its Uranium One company from US Secretary of State Hillary Clinton in 2013. 

Furthermore, formerly designated terrorists associated with the IRGC will now obtain preferred status, enabling them to fly in and out of the US, first-class, at the State Department’s expense. There is even talk of providing Air Force One at their beck and call; President Biden will happily accommodate their schedule.  After all, he admitted to rarely leaving his bed. When challenged on what appears pure capitulation on the US’s part, Special Envoy for Iran Robert Malley,  a self-proclaimed self-hating Jew, and a close friend of Mullah lobbyist Trista Parsi, blamed “broken telephone” given that the US negotiated through Russia – wink, wink. (Iran Frolics, Mar. 7, 2022)

US AND EUROPEAN WEAKNESS IN VIENNA SPARKS RUSSIAN INVASION OF UKRAINE (Moscow) – US and European insistence on capitulating to Iran’s every demand strongly motivated Russian President Vladimir Putin to take the opportunity to invade Ukraine, or else overthrow the democratically-elected Ukrainian government and install a pro-Russia government in its stead simply by threatening to invade Ukraine, according to those in the know.

“When will we ever have another Biden in the White House?” he is quoted as saying in Russian to his closest advisors.

Asked if he was surprised by the strong European and US response to his invasion of Ukraine, he answered a resounding “niet.”  Instead, what surprised him was the Ukrainian comedian’s Churchillian response and the resolve of the Ukrainian people, who he was sure would welcome their Russian liberators with bread and flowers. It was the Ukrainians, he said, who inspired ordinary Americans and Europeans who, in turn, shamed their governments into acting.  Who knew?  (Russia’s Say, Mar. 15, 2022)
 
CHINA EYES BARGAIN BASEMENT RUSSIAN OIL (Beijing) — As enormous Western sanctions have excluded some Russian banks from the SWIFT financial system, Russia is looking to China to help bail it out economically. Russia has until now supplied energy to most of Europe and the US, who have curtailed their abilities to produce oil, and cut Alberta’s Keystone XL Pipeline, with Canadian PM Justin Trudeau’s avid encouragement. But with Europe and the US looking elsewhere for their oil needs – Europe to coal, and the US to Venezuela and Iran, Russian oil is now available at an all-time low, which provides China with the opportunity to buy Russian oil at bargain-basement prices. It also enables them to sell Russian oil to Europe and the US at inflated prices bypassing the sanctions. Iran, a significant partner in the China, Russia alliance, is dancing with glee, while simultaneously plotting the assassinations of John Bolton, Mike Pompeo, and everyone else it deems enemies of the Mullahs and Islam. (China’s Time, Mar. 15, 2022)

DOOCY ASKS A DOOZY: ARE YOU GOING TO BLAME PUTIN FOR EVERYTHING? (Washington) — Fox News White House correspondent Peter Doocy: “Are you going to start blaming Putin for everything until the midterms?” To which WH spokesperson Jen Psaki responded, “Well, aren’t they to blame? Inflation and high oil costs couldn’t possibly result from bad Biden policies; everyone in Obama’s – whoops Biden’s State Dept. confirms that.”  Watching this exchange, President Joe Biden calls Doocy “a stupid son of a bitch” – again.  (White House Farce, Mar. 10, 2022)

SHOCK AT MISS AMERICA PAGEANT (Atlantic City) — The Miss America Pageant has been thrown into confusion, and outrage, after the 2022 winner, Miss California, a stately, and shapely, blonde, was revealed to be a genetically male, Spanish-speaking albino dwarf BIPOC.  The pageant winner, supposedly Priscilla Smith, shockingly revealed their true identity when, as they were being presented with the winner’s trophy, they stepped out of the body-length and bewigged costume to reveal their current (“true” is a white colonialist term) identity.  

A wave of politically-correct outrage and sexist counter-rage has welled up and crashed against the Pageant organizers after they withdrew the trophy and title from Miss Smith (now known either as Jesus Chavez, or LBGLSMFT1+2=4). Alexandria Ocasio-Cortez is threatening to rescind the Pageant’s license, and Congressional Democrats (only Joe Manchin dissenting) are preparing legislation to force a name change forbidding all beauty pageants from using the “Miss” (as in “Miss America”), though “Amiss” is allowed.

PFWASPA, “Proudly Female White Anglo-Saxon Protestants of America”, is reportedly taking up arms against the Pageant in its hidden Kentucky hill-top redoubts.  And the American Association of Little People has stood up to be counted, weighing in by suing the Pageant for its hurtful, stereotypical  rejection of dwarfs (not all little people are all little, after all), and ford the racist implication that all little people are predominantly BIPOC. (New York Putz, Mar. 5, 2022)